1 REMARKABLY TRANSLATED TO OS8 BASIC BY KAY R. FISHER ...DEC 2 PRINT PNT(0);PNT(0);PNT(0);PNT(29);PNT(0); 3 PRINT PNT(0);PNT(0);PNT(0);PNT(31);PNT(0);PNT(0);PNT(0);PNT(0); 4 DIM A$(26),D$(10) 10 PRINT "HELLO, MY NAME IS PETEY P. EIGHT." 20 PRINT\PRINT PNT(0);PNT(0);PNT(0);"WHAT'S YOUR NAME ";\INPUT A$\PRINT 35 PRINT " HI THERE ";\GOSUB 500 36 PRINT ". ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF HERE" 40 PRINT"IN THIS WONDERFUL PLACE"; 45 INPUT B$\PRINT 50 IF B$="YES" THEN 70 55 IF B$="NO" THEN 80 60 PRINT " ";\GOSUB 500 61 PRINT ", I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR ANSWER OF '";B$;"'." 65 PRINT "PLEASE ANSWER 'YES' OR 'NO'. DO YOU LIKE IT HERE" 66 PRINT"IN THIS CRAZY PLACE !!!"; 67 GOTO 45 70 PRINT "OH, I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT ";\GOSUB 500 71 PRINT 75 GOTO 100 80 PRINT "OH, SORRY TO HEAR THAT ";\GOSUB 500 81 PRINT ", MAYBE WE CAN" 85 PRINT "BRIGHTEN UP YOUR STAY A BIT" 100 PRINT 105 PRINT "SAY, ";\GOSUB 500 106 PRINT ", I CAN SOLVE ALL KINDS OF PROBLEMS" 110 PRINT "EXCEPT THOSE DEALING WITH GREECE. WHAT KIND OF" 115 PRINT "PROBLEMS DO YOU HAVE (ANSWER SEX, HEALTH, MONEY," 120 PRINT "OR JOB)"; 125 INPUT C$\PRINT 130 IF C$="SEX" THEN 200 132 IF C$="HEALTH" THEN 180 134 IF C$="MONEY" THEN 160 136 IF C$="JOB" THEN 145 138 PRINT "OH, ";\GOSUB 500 139 PRINT ", YOUR ANSWER OF '";C$;"' IS GREEK TO ME." 140 GOTO 250 145 PRINT "I CAN SYMPATHIZE WITH YOU ";\GOSUB 500 146 PRINT ". I HAVE TO WORK" 148 PRINT "VERY LONG HOURS FOR NO PAY -- AND SOME OF MY BOSSES REALLY" 150 PRINT "BEAT MY KEYBOARD. MY ADVICE TO YOU ";\GOSUB 500 151 PRINT ", IS" 153 PRINT "TO SELL IN THE EDUCATION MARKET. IT'S GREAT FUN." 155 GOTO 250 160 PRINT "SORRY, ";\GOSUB 500 161 PRINT ", I'M BROKE TOO. WHY DON'T YOU " 163 PRINT "SELL ENCYCLOPAEDIAS OR MARRY SOMEONE RICH OR STOP EATING" 165 PRINT "SO YOU WON'T NEED SO MUCH MONEY?" 170 GOTO 250 180 PRINT "MY ADVICE TO YOU ";\GOSUB 500 181 PRINT ", IS:" 185 PRINT " 1. TAKE TWO ASPRIN" 188 PRINT " 2. DRINK PLENTY OF FLUIDS (ORANGE JUICE, NOT BEER!)" 190 PRINT " 3. GO TO BED (ALONE)" 195 GOTO 250 200 PRINT "IS YOUR PROBLEM TOO MUCH OR TOO LITTLE"; 205 INPUT D$\PRINT 210 IF D$="TOO MUCH" THEN 220 213 IF D$="TOO LITTLE" THEN 230 215 PRINT "DON'T GET ALL SHOOK UP ";\GOSUB 500 216 PRINT ", JUST ANSWER" 217 PRINT "THE QUESTION WITH 'TOO MUCH' OR 'TOO LITTLE'. WHICH IS IT"; 218 GOTO 205 220 PRINT "YOU CALL THAT A PROBLEM?!! I SHOULD HAVE SUCH PROBLEMS!" 225 PRINT "IF IT BOTHERS YOU, TAKE A COLD SHOWER ";\GOSUB 500 226 PRINT"AND INTRODUCE ME TO THE SOURCE OF YOUR PROBLEM !!" 228 GOTO 250 230 PRINT "WHY ARE YOU HERE ";\GOSUB 500 231 PRINT "? YOU SHOULD BE" 235 PRINT "IN TOKYO OR NEW YORK OR AMSTERDAM OR SOMEPLACE WITH SOME" 240 PRINT "REAL ACTION." 250 PRINT 255 PRINT "ANY MORE PROBLEMS YOU WANT SOLVED, ";\GOSUB 500 260 INPUT E$\PRINT 270 IF E$="YES" THEN 280 273 IF E$="NO" THEN 300 275 PRINT "JUST A SIMPLE 'YES' OR 'NO' PLEASE, ";\GOSUB 500 276 PRINT "." 278 GOTO 255 280 PRINT "WHAT KIND (SEX, MONEY, HEALTH, JOB)"; 285 GOTO 125 300 PRINT 302 PRINT "THAT WILL BE $5.00 FOR THE ADVICE, ";\GOSUB 500 303 PRINT "." 305 PRINT "PLEASE LEAVE THE MONEY ON THE TERMINAL. " 307 PRINT\PRINT\PRINT 310 PRINT "DID YOU LEAVE THE MONEY"; 315 INPUT G$\PRINT 325 IF G$="YES" THEN 350 330 IF G$="NO" THEN 370 335 PRINT "YOUR ANSWER OF '";G$;"' CONFUSES ME, ";\GOSUB 500 336 PRINT ". PLEASE" 340 PRINT "RESPOND WITH A 'YES' OR 'NO'." 345 GOTO 310 350 PRINT "HEY, ";\GOSUB 500 351 PRINT "??? YOU LEFT NO MONEY AT ALL!" 355 PRINT "YOU ARE CHEATING ME OUT OF MY HARD-EARNED LIVING." 360 PRINT "RIP OFF, ";\GOSUB 500 361 PRINT ". *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*" 365 GOTO 390 370 PRINT "THAT'S HONEST, ";\GOSUB 500 371 PRINT ", BUT HOW DO YOU EXPECT" 375 PRINT "ME TO GO ON WITH MY PSYCHOLOGY STUDIES IF MY PATIENTS DON'T" 380 PRINT "PAY THEIR BILLS?" 385 PRINT\PRINT\PRINT "NOW LET ME TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE." 390 PRINT "NICE MEETING YOU ";\GOSUB 500 391 PRINT ". HAVE A NICE DAY!!" 400 FOR I=1 TO 3000 405 NEXT I 410 GO TO 2 500 PRINT A$; 510 RETURN 999 END